Lifeless
by Kyana-Morgaine
Summary: AU/EU: Even if your heart keep beating it doesn't mean that your blood that rushes through your body can keep your body warm. Your heart can be cold inside, it can be lifeless although it still keeps beating. English version of "Lifeless- Leblos".
1. Chapter 1

**Lifeless**

**Breath One**

Cold. Internal cold.

Even if your heart keep beating it doesn't mean that your blood that rushes through your body can keep your body warm. Your heart can be cold inside, it can be lifeless although it still keeps beating.

He felt cold. For years now. Was there a time it was any different? He could not remember. At some point in his life, even before he ever met his Master Plagueis, a strange coolness took his heart captive. Since then it was never rescued.

Love did not cross his way nor did true friendship. As a Sith he did not believe in it. He had seen love a lots of times. So called friends, colleagues...fell in love, married and started a family. They often tried to intruduce him to women. Some even were of his taste, but he forbid himself to fell for them. He dated a few times just for the record so rumours were kept low. For society it appeared to be strange if a man stayed single for longer than necessary. And showing no interest in any kind of sexual relationship to women or even men was suspicious. So short term relationships from time to time were the only opportunity he made up for himself.

Each of these arrangements survived no longer than 6 months and he organized it, that he was always the one who was left. As someone whose heart had been broken again and again, it made him even so friendly to his colleagues. He seemed harmless, emotional, dedicated.

All that he was not.

That was his mask. A wolf in sheep's clothing.

With open eyes he stared into the darkness at the ceiling, while his lungs again and again took up air and then let out again. His breathing was the only sound in the bedroom, even the traffic noise outside did not penetrate the soundproof window.

With each breath, it got colder inside him. His heart seemed covered with ice, as it would freeze every moment and adjust its service. Then the blood would not circulate in his body anymore and enter death.

He sat up suddenly, startled. The breath escaped his lungs abruptly. Trembling. The whole body seemed to escape his control.

_Breathe! Damn, breathe!_

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

_Stay calm._

Fingers dug into the sheets to control the tremor. It was the only chance to calm the body. It seemed strange to him that a body trembling from the cold was able to sweat at the same time.

The muscles worked, consumed energy, generated heat. But not enough heat to keep him warm.

It was not the first time that he was able to experience this state of his body. He was regularly reminded of the constant presence of this icy cold. At night. While sleeping, or when he lay awake, ... as in most nights.

_Get up!_

After shaking, the nausea came. This has always been, now was no exception. The lump in his stomach, also as icy and hard as always, began to move. A feel for choking went over into a need to vomit.

_And now run!_

Hastily he fled out of bed, got tangled up in the bedcover, almost fell to the ground, caught himself at the last moment and managed to somehow made it in time to the adjoining bathroom. Regurgitated wine tastes like vinegar, if it takes the output through the mouth. It burns when it washes up on mucous membranes before it is to be spew out over parted lips and then runs into the sink below.

A first wave, a second one. After the third wave his stomach was empty, his body trembling again addicted to his physical condition and the expiration closer than a few moments before. He was filling water in a beaker and rinsed his mouth to get rid of the sour taste. The shaking did not stop, the cold was also staying.

He did not need to look up. He knew if he would look in the mirror he would see into the eyes of a deranged man, who more and more outdated with each passing day, and that this procedure was indeed the consequences of isolation and self-denial from day to day.

_You're already dead, you just do not comprehend yet. We start to perish the day we were born. It is a long-term process in which the meat starts to rot onto the bone itself and organs adjust service after the body has depleted its last energy. And then the body begins to digest itself, by beginning to decompose from the inside._

He looked up. The face in the mirror was staring at him with eyes wide open. Palpatine was not too far from death.


	2. Chapter 2

**Lifeless**

**2nd. Breath**

There is a saying that one should keep his friends close. Only his enemies should be kept even closer.

_Well, closer than this ... is not possible._

Pleasure dispels the cold. Only for the moment, but still.

Pleasure banishes the feeling of emptiness and loneliness. Only for the moment, but still.

Lust satisfies the animal instincts of a person and gives sexual salvation. Only for the moment, but still.

Lust blurs the boundary between friend and enemy. Only for the moment ...

Inviting someone into his bed, was an unusual situation for him. It had come to this just three or four times in all the years. He preferred to sleep alone. Waking up next to a woman had something weird for him, even if a warm bed seemed so tempting and was something worthwhile for most beings. He preferred the silence. The cold. The loneliness.

Human warmth ... and if only for that brief moment, this very moment ...

Offering him her favor, should flatter him for sure. Young, pretty, full of energy.

_Naive, suggestible ..._

A Sith had it easy to pull someone in his bed, if he wanted a warm bed. He had never taken advantage of this ability nor did he ever need it. Power made attractive.

Even as he had been in the service of Senator Kim, he had not been a monk, but he had always kept his love affairs private and hidden. So he managed his affairs today, still discreet, now that he was living in public for years.

He was single.

_Does that mean I have to be celibate?_

Officially, he never appeared in female company.

_Too much attention._

And yet ...

For the moment, everything felt right. Tonight, in this darkened room. Why should he not enjoy the kisses, her young body? She indulges him, as he devotes himself to her. It validated that he was still alive.

The cold heart beats, it seems as if it would unfreeze for the moment. Only briefly. The flame of desire is indeed strong, but also diverting. It flares up quickly and disappears just as quickly.

Allowing himself to lose control, and if it was only for a few seconds, was difficult and dangerous, but worthwhile if accompanied by a release of certain agony. The reduction of sexual tension.

He admitted it. The feeling of ecstasy was a sensation he was not allowed to feel so often. And certainly not in such a charming female company.

_She looks pretty when she lets go ..._

Sweaty they sank into the damp sheets of the bed, still united. Not often was another being so close to him. He was vulnerable in this moment of togetherness, but he knew that he had nothing to fear. They had other problems, more important issues that needed their attention.

_Savor the moment, as long as you can. Enjoy the warmth of a young, vibrant body. It will be the last source of heat for a long time!_

The kisses were passionate, intense, and a certain tenderness was not to be denied. So she warmed his bed ... and if it were only for this single night ...

_Why not longer? A pastime for a few weeks? The Senate will soon pause, the evenings are quieter than usual, the nights are longer than ordinary._

It started with a buzz of sexual energy between them, followed by a kiss sometime later and then all these moments in solitude. Where does this energy came from where it resulted from, and why it was suddenly there, was negligible.

_Every beginning is difficult._

He pulled away from her lips who tasted so sweet and promising. Soft lips who could smile and pet.

"Would you like a drink, Milady?"

"Yes, please," she whispered, exhausted. She brushed a strand stray of hair from her lovely face.

"Water? Wine?"

She replied with a smile and a shrug. The bedding rustled. A hasty kiss, no less passionate than the previous ones. He rose and hid his consumed body in a morning coat. They might have seen his body during lovemaking, but they were not so familiar with each other that he wanted to show her everything. He would never dare.

They had parked their glasses on the table where he liked to sit when the insomnia robbed him of any fatigue. A carafe of water was always there, the bottle of wine was abducted by them from the salon. She sat up, the bedcover veiling her naked body as he returned to her, glasses in one hand and the bottle of wine in the other hand. She kept the glasses, he poured the wine. They clinked glasses. The sound of the adjoining glass filled his quiet bedroom. The air was consumed and smelled sweet of their doing.

"To us," he suggested.

Her smile brings his cold heart to beat stronger for a while. The blood circulates faster, flows through the icy body.

_Heat, only for the moment ..._

He did not have to force himself to reciprocate her smile. It suits his thin lips pretty well. Everyone knows that smile.

"To us," she confirmed. There is no need to say more. They would be kept occupied otherwise than with talking.

_Peace is a lie._

_There is only passion._

_Through passion I gain strength._

_Through strength I gain power._

_Through power I gain victory._

_The victory breaks my chains._

_In this sense, Milady ... is lust not like passion?_

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Reviews are warmly welcomed...:)


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